Grieving…A tool for more than just death

I learned a new tool recently…and am finding it has utility already!

In a recent work session with my relationship coach, she opened my mind to a new idea…

Instead of of being frustrated, angered, or annoyed by a habit in your partner despite your attempts to change it…

You must come to the realization that partner will not or cannot change that aspect of themselves…

And thus you must grieve the loss of that desired change of your partner in order to move on and not drive a wedge in your relationship.

This could be obvious to you reading this, but to me, this was new and an a-ha moment.

Realizing time wasted in frustration or resentment only harmed me and potentially my relationship made me realize that letting go and moving past something out of my control was a necessary skill to start to practice.

In fact…I soon realized this idea had utility beyond relationships…

I had been personally and emotionally involved in a project for nearly 7 months that I believed in deeply.

But circumstances changed and it was no longer the same fit 7 months later and conflicted with my objectives.

I could have spent my time and effort trying to fit a square peg into a round hole…

Thus trying to change an organization and project to fit my needs and objectives…

But I realized that outcome was out of my control and would be wasted effort.

Therefore, I had to do something harder in the moment…

I had to grieve the loss of that project and opportunity and spend time with letting go of my need to change it.

It’s not instantaneous…it’s not easy…it takes deep work…

But in the long run, closing that chapter and saying goodbye makes me more receptive to the new opportunities.

I have not mastered this skill by any means…but I see it’s utility.

What resentment do you harbor? Is the owner of those feelings aware or able to be changed?

If not, I challenge you to grieve your loss and release yourself of the negativity it fosters!

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