Why ask “why?”…Upgrade your response to feedback!

Seeking feedback is crucial to developing ourselves…

But how we respond to feedback may be even more important!

One simple upgrade you can implement the next time you receive disconfirming information is to make a simple verbiage switch…

Instead of asking “why” as your first question…

Start your questioning with “what”!

Can you immediately see that removing “why” removed the emotion that can come with the feedback…

And shifts the conversation into an action oriented conversation?


Your spouse tells you that you did less than stellar job meeting her emotional needs in a conversation you had the day prior…

Less Effective Response:

“Why do you feel that way”?

That can signal to the provider of feedback that you don’t agree with their statement and the conversation can become emotional as each party defends their positions.

Upgraded Response:

Imagine if you upgraded your language to include a “what” question instead…

“What could I have done to better meet your needs?”

This immediately lets your partner know you want to meet them half way and you are will no to do better…

Their “guard” comes down and we are now ready to collaborate.

You don’t have to agree with your partner, but their feelings are real and valid…

So instead of a debate, let’s shift the discussion to action steps that will make you and your partner feel on the same page!

This tip is not reserved for personal relationships…

This simple language swap in response to feedback can strengthen you as a leader in business or any space that you are working with others.

It’s a simple upgrade that can change the course of how others see and work with you…

WHAT can you do to implement this today?

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